Stop Wait a Minute Baby I'm So Glad You're Mine
Dear songs are where nosotros become our passion, our soul — and most of our worst ideas.
Cypher proficient tin can come of this. Photograph past Achim Voss/Flickr.
Throughout human history, oceans have been crossed, mountains have been scaled, and great families have blossomed — all because of a few simple chords and a tune that inflamed a center and propelled it on a noble, romantic mission.
On the other hand, that time you told that girl you lot just started seeing that you would "catch a grenade" for her? You did that because of a dear song. And information technology wasn't exactly a coincidence that she suddenly decided to "lose your number" and move dorsum to Milwaukee to "figure some stuff out."
"Information technology's simply, my mom. Yous know? And L.A. is then hot in the summer. And yeah, my mom." Photo via iStock.
That fourth dimension you held that nail box over your head exterior your ex's house? Yous did that because of a love vocal. And 50 hours of customs service later, yous're nonetheless not back together.
Love songs are great. They make our hearts trounce faster. They inspire us to take risks and put our feelings on the line. And they give united states terrible, terrible ideas about how actual, real-life human relationships should piece of work.
They're amazing. So amazing. And also terrible.
Here are six love songs that sound romantic but aren't, and one song that doesn't sound romantic but totally is:
1. "God Just Knows," past The Beach Boys
You can go along your "Surfin' Safaris," your "I Go Arounds," and your "Help me Rhondas."
When it comes to The Embankment Boys, "God But Knows" is where information technology's at. A lush garden of soft horns and breezy melody. A tie-dye swirl of sound. A landscape of haunted innocence with some of the virtually heartrending lyrics ever committed to the dorsum of a surfboard.
Youth! Youth! Youth! Photo past Hulton Archive/Getty Images.
Here'south why it sounds romantic:
I may non always love you
But long as there are stars above you
You never need to incertitude information technology
I'll make you and so sure about it
God only knows what I'd be without you lot
If you're traipsing through a meadow in a sundress with your beloved and not playing "God Only Knows" on your iPod, y'all should really stop and start over.
If you're lazily bumping a embankment ball over a volleyball cyberspace and "God Only Knows" isn't playing somewhere in the back of your mind, you need to rethink the choices that got you to this point.
If you're a video editor compiling footage of grainy hippies frolicking in the mud and y'all're not underscoring it with the opening chords of "God Just Knows," you are doing it wrong.
Hippies, likely on their way to a mud frolic. Photo by Colin Davey/Getty Images.
It's a vocal that just feels similar love. Pure love. Immature love. Love with a arctic, kelp-y vibe.
What could exist incorrect with that?
Hither's why it's really actually, actually unromantic:
There'due south zilch wrong with loving someone. Sending them flowers. Leaving over-the-tiptop notes in their P.O. boxes. Stroking their hair every bit they fall asleep while you whisper the complete works of Nicholas Sparks into their ear.
"Miles Ryan stood on the back porch of his firm, smoking a cigarette..." Photo by hatchettebookgroup.biz.
But in that location is such a thing as loving someone a skosh too much.
If you should ever go out me
Though life would still go on believe me
The world could show nothing to me
So what practiced would living practice me?
Await, I go it. Breakups suck. At that place's no getting around that. But good God.
There'southward a huge deviation betwixt saying: "Hey baby, y'all are my start and foremost everything and I'll exist bummed if you become." And saying: "Welp, y'all accepted that job in Seattle, and then I'thou just gonna chug a bunch of nightshade and call it a life."
Only that'south pretty much the gist here. Which makes this line...
God merely knows what I'd be without you
...horror-movie creepy. Because the answer, apparently, is: "I'd exist a corpse!"
Ah well. We had a good run. Photo via iStock.
That's not love. That'southward codependency (to put it mildly). Oh, and hey! Threatening to kill yourself if your partner leaves isn't loving. Information technology's a form of emotional corruption.
Investing all your happiness and sense of self-worth in any relationship — i that, by definition, might ane day end — is putting a lot of eggs in one basket. Sure, God may only know what you'd be without her, but God probably likewise hopes you have, I don't know, some hobbies. Take a yoga class. Google some woodworking videos. Endeavour kite surfing.
"Yeah! Hell yeah! What was her name once again?" Photograph past Jim Semlor/Federal Highway Administration.
1 person cannot be anyone'southward be-all and end-all. It's as well stressful. And it prevents you from doing you, which is a affair that's gotta exist done before yous can do annihilation else.
No wonder she took that job in Seattle.
two. "Treasure," by Bruno Mars
Sure, it's a blatant rip off of every Michael Jackson song you've e'er heard. Just, we don't take Michael Jackson anymore, and as tribute acts go, you could do a lot worse than Bruno Mars.
Look at that face. That face up! Photo by Brothers Le/Flickr.
Hither's why the song sounds romantic:
Treasure, that is what yous are
Dear, you're my gilded star
You know you can make my wish come true
If you lot permit me treasure you
If y'all let me treasure you lot
Pass those lyrics to anyone on a used napkin at an eighth-grade make-out party and you'll likely go an instant toll pass on the highway to tongue-town (ew).
Laissez passer them to your spouse and, chances are, engagement night is going to culminate in 47 minutes of chaste-yet-passionate frenching.
Pass them to a cop who pulls you over for running a finish sign, and they volition call up you're weird — just probably even so make out with you.
In fact, Bruno Mars basically has a lifetime laissez passer to make out with America considering of this song.
This is what happens when you write "Treasure" and y'all're on stage with Michelle Obama. Photo by Mandel Ngan/Getty Images.
And I'm OK with that.
But, here's why "Treasure" isn't as romantic as it seems:
Everything well-nigh "Treasure" is retro. Everything.
Including its attitudes well-nigh gender.
"Children, have I ever told y'all what I shouted at your mother on the street the first time nosotros met?" Photo by Jacobsen/Getty Images.
Things start to get south right from the very offset:
Give me your, give me your, give me your attending, baby
I gotta tell you a little something virtually yourself
Ah yes. Nothing screams "respect" quite like a human being lecturing a strange woman on the street about something she "doesn't know nearly herself."
What could information technology be? Could it be that her jokes are funny? Could information technology be that she's got something in her teeth? Could it exist that her nonfiction volume about early on modernistic German history is extremely detailed and informative?
"Thanks for teaching me all well-nigh Martin Luther's bible!" Photo by Torsten Schleese/Wikimedia Commons.
Spoiler Alert: It's none of those.
You're wonderful, flawless, ooh, y'all're a sexy lady
But you lot walk around here like you lot wanna exist someone else
Oh. It's that she'south sexy. Cool, bro. Very original.
Word of advice? Regardless of how she'southward walking, the lady knows she'south sexy. Even if she doesn't, it really doesn't impact her day-to-day so much that you, a consummate stranger, need to shout it at her (even over a funky disco snare).
So what if she does want to be someone else? I'd dear to exist someone else! I call up being Ryan Gosling would be quite overnice. A practiced way to spend a three-twenty-four hours weekend.
Sure, in that location'd be an adjustment menses... Photograph by Eamonn M. McCormack/Getty Images.
And so later, of course, the narrator can't help himself:
Pretty girl, pretty girl, pretty girl, you lot should be smiling
A daughter similar you should never look and then blueish.
He respects her then much, he's actually straight-up telling her to smiling! Much like Mars' character "Uptown Funk," who appears to become off on angrily exhorting girls to "hit [their] hallelujah." Which, you know, I guess everybody's got a thing.
Yes, in the world of "Treasure," a healthy human relationship is an unending stream of a homo complimenting a strange woman and said woman beingness then totally flattered that she immediately dispenses "the sex."
He then proceeds to talk to his potential lover like the globe'south creepiest pirate:
You are my treasure, you lot are my treasure
You are my treasure, yeah, you, yous, you, you lot are
You are my treasure, you are my treasure
You are my treasure, yeah, you, you, you lot, you are
By this betoken, in his mind, she'south a literal thing. An object. Which is fitting.
I suppose it could be worse, though. At least she's not just whatever affair.
GIF from "The Two Towers."
That's ... something, right?
3. "Don't Think Twice, It's All Right," past Bob Dylan
For equally long as humans take been dating each other, humans have been breaking up with each other. And "Don't Call up Twice" is a portrait of a human relationship going downwards in flames. Glorious, poetic, audio-visual flames.
Bob Dylan, a guy who is good at writing songs that a lot of people like. Photo by William Lovelace/Getty Images.
Here's why it sounds romantic:
Well, it ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe
Even you lot don't know past now
And it ain't no utilise to sit and wonder why, baby
It'll never exercise somehow
When your rooster crows at the break of dawn
Expect out your window, and I'll exist gone
You're the reason I'k a-traveling on
But don't remember twice, information technology's all right.
Boom. Strummed on out of that friends-with-benefits situation similar whoa.
"Don't Retrieve Twice" is a raw song. An honest song. A powerful song. It'south the vocal your older sister played on continuous loop for six months after her boyfriend left for college. The song that convinced your Aunt Roslyn to leave her bank-teller task, load her four Australian shepherds into the van, and open a wind chime shop in Mendocino. The song your friend's cool dad always wants to play when he invited your high school band over to his apartment to jam.
"What timbre are you looking for?" Photo past Sharon Ang/Pixabay.
Sure, it'due south nearly the stop of a relationship, only it sounds romantic. And at the finish of the twenty-four hour period, shouldn't that be enough?
Here's why it'southward actually sooooo messed upwardly:
Relationships cease. For a lot of reasons. And while at that place is no right mode to phone call it quits with someone, when the dust settles, both parties tin certainly do good from a difficult, honest discussion most what went wrong.
It's not me, Joan. It'south you. 100% y'all. Photo past Rowland Scherman/Getty Images.
In "Don't Think Twice," that discussion basically boils downward to: "It'south your fault."
Permit's review the reasons the dude in "Don't Think Twice" is splitting with his lady friend:
I gave her my center, but she wanted my soul
Ugh, women, right? You're all similar, "Babe, I just have so much unspecified love to give," and she's like, "Accept out the trash!" And you're like, "But baaaaaaabe, shouldn't my heart be enough?" And she's similar, "No, seriously. I already did the laundry, cleaned the whole house, fed the dog, did the dishes, and fabricated both of our lunches for the week. All I need you to exercise is accept out the trash." And you're similar, "Yous're bumming me out. I'thou gonna go play guitar." And so she gets all mad! What did you do? Why is she trying to change yous? UGH!
Y'all could have washed better, but I don't heed
Yes. You do mind! You listen! You wrote a song about it, you passive-aggressive prick.
Y'all only kinda wasted my precious time
Ah yes. Your time is and then precious! Retrieve about all the hours you wasted plumbing the ocean-deep, ecstatic mysteries of human being partnership when yous could have been futzing around with that domicile-mash kit.
Yep, this was worth it. Photo by Bill Bradford/Flickr.
The minute you beginning breaking it down, the message of "Don't Think Twice" suddenly starts to seem a lot less romantic. Like your sister's ex-boyfriend, who worked at the Bass Pro Shop in boondocks for a while and at present might be in jail. Like your aunt's air current chime store, which would have closed forever ago had she not received that inheritance from her mom in the '80s. Like your friend's cool dad, who wasn't exactly, technically, paying child back up.
"You kids want a beer? No ane's nether 13, right?" Photo via iStock.
Oh yeah, and the song's narrator also point-blank refers woman he's leaving as:
A kid, I'm told
That's right. In addition to beingness a run-of-the-manufactory passive-aggressive jerk — turns out, he's as well perhaps a pedophile.
Even if we are to accept that this is a metaphor and she'south not actually a child — which there's no indication it is, but OK, Bob Dylan — the fact that Commitmentphobe Gunderson here would willingly choose an young partner reflects way more poorly on him than it does on her.
Breaking upwards with anyone in such a cruel, dismissive fashion is a recipe for sticking them with years of therapy bills.
Which, I suppose, may exist the point.
four. "Leaving on a Jet Plane," by John Denver
Who has two thumbs and wrote a bittersweet folk song well-nigh hurtling through the stratosphere in a giant aluminum tube at 600 miles per hour?
This guy. Photograph by Hughes Television Network/Wikimedia Commons.
Here's why it sounds romantic:
"Leaving on a Jet Airplane" is a lovely song. And impressive in its loveliness considering jet planes were still kind of new at the fourth dimension it was written.
'Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
To a modernistic ear, this would be sort of like singing, "I'1000 a scoooting away on my hoverboooooard," but in a mode that's somehow all the same folksy and heartbreaking and singable past 9-year-olds at summer camp. Not easy to do!
Oh infant, I hate to get
Yous see — he hates to go! He just hates information technology! We know this, considering he tells u.s.a. he hates it. And why would he hate to get if he didn't love his partner just that much?
Run into ya! Photo by Altair78/Wikimedia Commons.
Why indeed?
Here's why information technology'southward actually not that romantic at all:
All the plaintive guitar, loping bass line, and twangy, melancholy warbling in the globe tin but distract and so much from the fact that the song'due south chief character is well, kind of a jerkweed.
And in reality — surprise surprise! — information technology doesn't really seem like he hates existence abroad all that much:
There'southward so many times I've let you downwardly
So many times I've played around
I tell you now, they don't mean a thing
"Babe, I hope! All the movies I watched lonely while you were dwelling nursing the quadruplets. All the times I tuckered our life savings on Zoo Zillionaire. All the random sex I had with other women. Totally meaningless. Certainly fun to do! Really fun. Similar, I had a fantastic time. But rest assured — completely empty, in an ontological sense."
"As empty as this bed I just finished having sex with someone else in." Photo via iStock.
Yes, when you break it down, "Leaving on a Jet Plane," is less of a passionate tribute to dear overcoming distance and more than the deluded ramblings of a guy who needs to convince himself he's "good" despite all show to the contrary.
And for all he claims to be broken upwards near having to part from his one and only, the dude seems pretty excited about the flight. Oh, y'all're leaving on a jet plane, are yous? Are y'all Zone 1? Gonna humblebrag on Twitter about the "terrible" Cibo limited salad you were forced to asphyxiate downwardly as you sat waiting to embark on your fun, mysterious adventure?
"Life and then difficult @ LGA #missingmybabe." Photo by Gesalbte/Wikimedia Commons.
He continues:
Ev'ry place I go, I'll remember of you
Ev'ry song I sing, I'll sing for you
Ah cool. He'll retrieve about her while strumming and making "my beloved is delicate as the morning dew" eyes at a waif-y grad student in the front end row. That pretty much makes up for it all.
Then he demands:
And so osculation me and smiling for me
Tell me that you'll await for me
After all the betrayal and heartbreak, after basically revealing himself to be a grade-A sleaze who tin can't be trusted, he still has the gall to tell her to wait? To wait for him?
And hither's the kicker:
When I come back, I'll bring your wedding ring
Ah yes. He'll put a ring on it. Finally.
"Ehhhhhhh...." Photo via iStock.
Unlike all the previous trips, where he'south cheated a billion times, drained the family bank account, and just been a general screwup and disappointment.
Simply aye. This time he says he'll bring back a wedding band.
I promise she joins a polyamorous octad and never looks dorsum.
v. "When a Human being Loves a Adult female," Percy Sledge
When you lot look upwardly "soul" in the dictionary, the book plays you a recording of this song.
Percy Sledge, having a few thoughts. Photograph by Gene Pugh/Flickr.
Specifically, it plays you the very first line.
Here's why it audio very romantic:
When a human being loves a woman
Sure, you can write the lyrics down, but it doesn't fifty-fifty come up close to capturing the heartache. The yearning. The delicious, delicious hurting-belting:
WHEN A MAN LOVES A WOMAN
Closer ... merely all the same no.
WHEN A MAAAAAAAN. LOVES A WOOOMAN!
Yes! Sing it, Percy Sledge!
It'due south an elemental lyric.
It'southward a heart-shattering lyric.
It'south a lyric that demands y'all put your back into it.
It'south perfection.
As long every bit you don't keep listening.
Hither's why the song is really pretty horrifying:
From the opening lines of "When a Man Loves a Woman," we know that, at least on occasion, a human being loves a woman.
Which raises the question: What happens when said human loves said woman?
He'd give up all his comforts
And sleep out in the rain
If she said that's the fashion
It ought to be.
Whoa! OK. No. Dorsum upwardly. A homo, no matter how devoted, no matter how selfless, no matter how in love, needs shelter. Otherwise, a man will dice of exposure and hypothermia.
Turn his back on his best friend if he put her downwards.
No! Jeez. No. A man can't put up with that kind of isolating behavior. A man needs friends! Once a man's whole back up system erodes out from under him, a man volition be bitter, ungrounded, and alone. And a human being's mental wellness volition deteriorate.
I gave you lot everything I have
Tryin' to hold on to your heartless love
Babe, please don't treat me bad.
This is non what happens "when a man loves a woman." It's what happens when a human being loves a decision-making, manipulative adult female. An calumniating woman. A woman who, in truth, only loves a woman. Herself.
"It'southward Chris or me." Photo by geralt/Pixabay.
And that's not good for you.
Run, Percy Sledge, run! We're hither for you.
(Side note: Lest it get unsaid, there is way more than than one style for a human to love a woman. Maybe they spend every waking moment cuddling and bopping each other on the nose. Possibly they sleep in separate bedrooms. Maybe they clothes upwards in large, plush cat costumes and refer to each other Mr. and Mrs. Kittyhawk. And when a man loves a man, I imagine information technology feels much the same. Or when a adult female loves a adult female. Or when a gender nonconforming person loves a gender nonconforming person.)
Regardless of the depth of commitment, living state of affairs, or combination of genders or sexual orientations, in that location'south no one-size-fits-all love solution. Every relationship is a unique snowflake. Variety is the spice of life. Necessity is the mother of invention. In that location's more than one manner to skin a cat. A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.
It doesn't matter if it'southward the right metaphor, as long as it's a metaphor. Photo past Rosmarie Voegtli/Flickr.
Point being: Generalize at your peril, Sledge. And please, seek help! You can practice this! And if yous always notice yourself in a like situation, please give these people a call.
vi. "All I Wanna Do is Make Honey to You lot," Heart
Honestly, Eye could sing a listing of the most pop AllRecipes ("Jaaaamie's Cranberry Spinach Saaaaalad/World'due south All-time Lasaaaaagna/Sour Creeeeeam Cutouts") and information technology would make me want to bark my eyes out in the artillery of a alpine, dark stranger at the end of a pier.
This song is perfect. You should ever be listening to information technology. If yous're not listening to it now, smack yourself in the face and Google it. Information technology'southward but that of import.
I am singing the phone book. You are weeping like a tiny baby. Photograph by FatCat125/Wikimedia Eatables.
So much passion. So much pain. Then much hair.
Here's why it sounds romantic:
Over pounding drums and a soaring tune, Heart sisters Nancy and Ann Wilson deliver a central tribute to the one true romantic fantasy shared by every living being on Earth: picking up an unnervingly attractive man for one night of mind-blowing sex and and then releasing him dorsum into the wild to bone — only never quite as compellingly ever over again.
They sing:
Information technology was a rainy night when he came into sight
Continuing by the road, no umbrella, no coat
So I pulled upwardly aslope and I offered him a ride
He accepted with a grinning so we drove for a while
I don't have to keep because you know what happens side by side, and it's awesome.
"I just sit down in this cabin. Counting the days since. Counting ... the ... days." Photo by Rene Asmussen/Pexels.
Now, here's why this song is not romantic at all:
The relationship in "All I Wanna Do" seems too good to be truthful. And it is. Because it's not an equally loving ,or even equally brawny, pairing at all.
It's a...
It'southward a...
Well. You know what information technology is:
Good at recognizing no-win situations and delicious with lemon?! Photo past Pikawil/Flickr.
For a while, things are humming along merely fine, like whatsoever wholesome, illicit, anonymous affair should:
I didn't ask him his name, this lonely male child in the rain
Fate, tell me it'southward right, is this dearest at first sight?
Certain, many of us might hesitate to pick upward a foreign leather-jacket-clad human standing on the side of the route for a no-strings-attached spiral, but our narrator just has a feeling nigh this guy, and sometimes, you gotta go with your gut.
I can respect that.
We made magic that nighttime
He did everything correct
Great! Seems like it was a good decision. Bonking the hitchhiker is payin' off big time.
But then, without warning, the song starts to sound less like an all-time keen romance and more similar a story men'southward rights activists tell each other as they vape around a bivouac:
I told him "I am the flower, you are the seed
Nosotros walked in the garden, we planted a tree
Don't endeavor to detect me, please don't yous dare
Just live in my memory, you'll always be there"
I'thou non a poet. Symbolic linguistic communication oftentimes eludes me. But unless "flower," "seed," "garden," and "tree," all of a sudden mean wildly different things in the context of human reproduction than they take since sex activity was first invented in the early-1970s, we're talking about a surprise, non-mutually-consensual pregnancy!
Hullo! Photo by Avsar Aras/Wikimedia Commons.
Of class, metaphors are opaque, interpretations vary, etc., etc., etc. Yous might be tempted to think, "Maybe Eye meant something else by that."
To that I say, no, they definitely meant it:
Then information technology happened one mean solar day
We came round the same way
Yous tin can imagine his surprise
When he saw his ain eyes
There are two possibilities here.
One: The narrator of the vocal is recently-deceased Jerry Orbach from this creepy New York City subway ad from 9 years agone:
Photo by eyedonation.org.
Or 2: She totally conned a dude into whipping upwardly a babe on the sly.
I said, "Please, please understand
Ah, sure. Aye. No worries.
I'm in honey with another man
Absurd, so this all makes sense and is in no style the nightmarish scheme of a deranged sociopath who has at present wrecked not one but two lives.
And what he couldn't give me, oh, no
Was the one little thing that yous tin can"
A Homo LIFE! A Existent SENTIENT Human LIFE THAT IS Non INCIDENTAL TO ALL OF THIS!
The best you can say about that is that information technology'southward not technically illegal, and that leather-jacket man probably should have been responsible for his own nascency command. Or, at the very to the lowest degree, asked more questions .
But ... it'south non beautiful. Information technology'due south not romantic (even the Wilson sisters themselves agree).
And at the end of the mean solar day, the shadiest grapheme in this vocal is somehow not the rain-soaked hitchhiker wandering to nowhere in the night.
Which... is saying something.
Simply at that place is a love song that is truly, madly, deeply perfect. An unassailable rail in a ocean of problematic faves.
A song that does everything right.
A vocal that paints a portrait of a good for you partnership built to final.
A song that can double as a manual for the ideal human romantic human relationship.
And that song is...
"Candy Shop," by 50 Cent, featuring Olivia
Here'due south why yous might exist — OK, almost definitely are — skeptical:
l Cent (L) and that guy. You know, that guy? That guy! Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images.
Every bit tricky as "Candy Store" is, as fun it is to dance to, and equally cathartic as it can be to scream in the center of a crowded fraternity house at 2 a.m., there'southward no getting around the fact that the song begins like this:
I'll take you to the candy shop
I'll let yous lick the lollipop
I'll mail service that once again, in example you missed some of the nuance:
I'll take yous to the processed store
I'll let you lick the lollipop
Way to take i for the team, narrator of "Processed Shop"!
At beginning glance, "Candy Store" is nobody'due south idea of a archetype dearest song.
The lyrics are ... unusually forrard. The beat is kinda basic. The claw is like the music they play when Abu Nazir sidles scarily by in "Homeland."
OooooOOOOoooooOOOo. GIF from "Homeland."
It doesn't get played much anymore. When it does resurface, information technology feels ... kinda dated. Like watching that DVD of "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" on your new Xbox 360.
It's non a song you'd put on a mixtape for your shell. It'due south not a song you'd play for your spouse when the kids are at domicile with the babysitter and you've got nine hours to tear up the Piscataway Hampton Inn. It'southward certainly not a song you'd include on the video photo montage you made for your grandparents' silver anniversary.
It'south simply not.
Simply information technology should be.
And so here it is. Here's why "Candy Shop" by 50 Cent, featuring Olivia, is really the perfect relationship vocal:
You wanna back that thing up or should I push up on it? Photo by ionasnicolae/Pixabay.
The bass pulsate hits. The MIDI violins whine. The singer starts filling out his fellatio permission sideslip. Information technology's merely been 20 seconds, and y'all're already getting set up to hang it up with "Candy Shop."
But then ... over the square thrum and the mewling strings, a phenomenon occurs — in the course of a female voice joining the runway, cutting through the din like a clarion phone call.
She sings:
I'll have you to the candy shop (yeah)
Boy, 1 taste of what I got (uh-huh)
I'll have you spendin' all you got (come on)
Keep going 'til yous hit the spot, whoa
Information technology's common! It'due south mutual! They're performing oral sexual activity on each other!
Ring the bells! Bang the drums! Release the doves!
Go, cunnilingus doves, go! Photo by liz due west/Flickr.
50 Cent himself may not be the world'due south greatest partner — for instance, according to i of his exes, he's done some pretty unforgivable things.
Only the narrator of "Candy Shop"? He gets information technology:
You could have it your manner, how do you want it?
Rather than simply imposing his desires on the person he's with — a la the dude in "God Only Knows ("I'm going to invest my entire sense of self-worth in yous!") or the street heckler in "Treasure" ("I'm going to treat you like a chest total of gilt doubloons!") or the sociopath in "All I Wanna Do is Brand Dearest to You," ("I'yard going to trick you into knocking me up!") — the "Candy Shop" guy actually asks his partner what she wants.
Which, in the globe of popular music, is proficient for about l,000 trillion points.
And where are they going to do it? The hotel? Back of the rental? The beach? The park?
It's whatever you're into
'Cause consent is sexy!
I ain't finished teaching you 'bout how sprung I got ya
The narrator of "Candy Shop" is certainly ... assertive about his desires.
But hither'due south the key matter: the lady on the receiving end of those desires? She's clearly into it. And we know this considering she says and then.
The lines of consent in "Candy Store" are bright blood-red, highlighted, and soldered into the weirdly glutinous club floor.
Meanwhile, Robin Thicke is outside trying to convince the bouncer that his uncle is a lawyer. Photo by Grim23/Wikimedia Commons.
Girl what we do ...
And where nosotros do ...
The things we practise ...
Are only betwixt me and y'all
No matter how nasty they freak, information technology will exist intimate. It will be private. There volition be no revenge porn (the epilogue to "Blurred Lines," to wit, would definitely exist a protracted, emotionally devastating lawsuit).
If you lot exist a nympho, I'll exist a nympho
Sexual compatibility is key to the survival of any relationship, whether years, weeks, or (very possibly in the case of "Candy Shop") minutes long.
She may accept a high sex drive, but dude is graciously offer to accommodate her. What a gentleman! These crazy kids but might get the altitude after all.
And at the end of the solar day, what is a human relationship but two nymphos, sharing health insurance?
Thanks, Obamacare! Photo by Wonderlane/Flickr.
It'south like it'southward a race who could get undressed quicker
Again, everybody is having a smashing time. And, critically, an equally smashing fourth dimension.
I touch the right spot at the right time
Of form, it wouldn't be a pop/hip-hop hit without a spot of random humbug, but if we're to take him at his word, "Candy Shop" guy is at to the lowest degree as good at "doing everything right" as the anonymous hitchhiker from "All I Wanna Do is Make Beloved to You" — except without all the creepy surprise baby nonsense.
The "Processed Shop" guy is a keeper. Considering he'due south non a hero or a stranger in the night or a funky, shimmering love god. He'south a skilful partner.
"Candy Store" is raunchy. It's muddy. It's non your grandmother's dear song.
But when you lot strip away the swagger, the back shell, and the weird strings from "All-time of Public Domain Center Eastern Music 1993," past the end of the song, both people are satisfied. And at the finish of the day, isn't that what a healthy human relationship is all most?
Yep.
Uh-huh.
Photograph past Francois Durand/Getty Images.
So seductive.
Source: https://www.upworthy.com/6-songs-that-seem-romantic-but-arent-and-one-that-seems-like-it-isnt-but-is
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